Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Whoopsie Wednesday

Being newish to this whole blog thing, I am amazed at all the stuff I DIDN'T know, example of the day being the blog hop. I'm partaking in my first today, losing my blog hop virginity to MY LITTLE LIFE. She is hosting Mother's Day Mania, a 5 day blitz of themed blogging, mommy style, where you can link up with other blogging mamas and read their posts for the day. How cool is that?? First off is Whoopsie Wednesday, the day to confess your parenting blunders, and I have to say I LOVE this one. How else to feel better about your flub ups then to laugh at others' misfortunes know you're not the only one in the Bad Mom Moment Club?

That being said, I present my whoopsie moment:

First, let me set the scene... St. Patrick's Day, 2008. Nut had just turned 3 weeks old and was sporting THE cutest shamrock covered sleeper, complete with a hat that proclaimed LUCKY CHARM across it. DH's grandma's sister's sister-in-law (or something like that) had passed away over the weekend and it was deemed that we were to attend the visitation in a town about 35 minutes away from us. DH and I went back on forth on the best way to save time and get there and finally decided that I would drive him back to work on lunch so I could pick him up when he got off and we could leave directly from there.

Fast forward to 3pm. I get a text from DH telling me he wants to stop by home when he gets off instead. Whatever. I finish getting ready and load up the wee babe to go pick him up from work. When he gets in the Jeep, he looks me over, and says, "Oh. Nevermind about going home if you're all ready. It's not a big deal. Let's just go straight there. Do you have a bag for R?" I told him I had a full bottle and some wipes and diapers in my purse, but not the actual diaperbag. "We should be fine," I told him. Oh how very very wrong I was.

We had no more than walked into the funeral home when we were greeted by my in-laws.

"She looks kinda red in the face, what's she doin? Shittin'?" my ever-eloquent FIL asked. I looked down and he was right.....then I smelled her. Good Lord, the child coulda gagged a maggot. I lifted her out of her carseat, grabbed my purse, and took her into the bathroom. When I walked in and saw our reflection in the mirror, I panicked. Poop. All over the back of my sweet baby's clothes, clear up to her neck. This was my first blowout and I had NO idea where to begin cleaning up the haz-mat that was my child. There was no changing station in the bathroom so I wound up having to lay her on the sink, praying nobody would come in and witness the horror of my shit-covered newborn. I used all the wipes I had and she was still half brown. I used all the papertowels they had in the bathroom and she still wasn't clean. Not knowing what else to do, I WASHED MY BABY IN THE SINK. Seriously. Desperate times call for desperate measures, people. On a side note though, let me just say my actions are precisely why public restrooms gross me out. You don't know what people have been doing in there.

I finally got her all cleaned up and into a new, fresh diaper. It was then that my stomach dropped. I had no diaper bag which means I had no change of clothes. What. the. hell. I tried washing out what she'd been wearing before but that was pointless. With no other choice, I wrapped her up in a receiving blanket, slapped on a bib that said "Beauty Queen" across it and took her out of the bathroom. I handed her over to my in-laws after hearing all about "first time mother" mistakes (thanks people, I already feel like enough of an a-hole) and got in line with DH to pay my respects. A few minutes later, I hear bits and pieces of the conversation of the women in front of me: "Who brought a naked baby to funeral? It's 30 degrees out!" I shrugged my shoulders and looked away. It would be the first (but not the last) time that I didn't claim my own child.

So, there ya go. My Whoopsie moment. Now, who else is going to join in? Come on, all the cool kids are doing it! Go HERE to read about it and DO IIIIIT!


  1. LMAO about gagging a maggot! Too funny! Our first blowout, I didn't have clothes either. I'll admit, I didn't even wash the outfit, I just threw it away... and rinsed my lil man off in the shower.

  2. Too Too Funny! I almost spit out my drink! Thankfully you had the blanket with you!

  3. O.



    THAT is freakin' hilarious! Love your writing style...and, kinda proud that I took your blog hop virginity.

    Don't worry...I'll still respect you in the morning.

  4. Don't believe Mama M. She won't even call you the next day ;)

    That is a hilarious story! Been there - done that - more times than is acceptable.

    Love your blog!

  5. I've been through so many diaper blowouts with no change of clothes on hand. Although that comes from my lack of skill when packing a diaper bag versus not having one on hand. At least you had the receiving blanket and a bib to accessorize, lol.
    Great story!

  6. So seriously the funniest thing I have read! OMG I just can't even imagine.

  7. Oh I cant tell you how many times that has happened to me! Actually it happened the other day at my In-laws house and my son will be 2 tomorrow :)

  8. Way to lose your virginity!!
    Abso-freakin-lutely hysterical story, I can only imagine the look on your face when you saw what you were dealing with in the mirror.

  9. That is priceless! You write very well! I suspect you will grow in mommy-blogging popularity quite rapidly! :)

  10. Oh my gosh! That is hilarious!!!! Love it!

  11. Yep, I know that one. Took my son to work one day, packed everything I could think of in the bag, except a change of clothes. Wrapped him in the blankie after cleanup, strapped him in the stroller and snuck off to the Kmart a block away. The guy at the register looked at the outfit and then looked at Damian and then asked if I'd like to put the outfit on the baby before leaving. :-D
    I love the way you told this. Really enjoyable.