Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I wanna make love to ya, front yard

Wow, I followed up a week of super blogging with a week of... nada. I could be philosophical and make a paralell between that and how my life goes, but I'll refrain. I blame my absence on two things:

#1 - All of YOU. That's right. It's your fault. I log on with every intention of posting and instead get sucked into your feeds. By the time I read what all of you witty people have to say, the small window of time I have to blog - i.e when the kids aren't crying, fighting, climbing my leg - has passed. So there ya go. Stop being so interesting.

#2 - The rain. The God forsaken, never ending rain. For the last two weeks, we haven't gone more than a day without it. And do you think those few blessed days of non-rain could be sunny to dry up my backyard? Oh no. I've got a fricking pond in my backyard. As a result, it's been pretty boring around here.

Today I woke up at 6:44, very confused by the odd feeling of warmth on my face - wait, that didn't sound right did it? I feel like I should follow it up with that's what she said!. Ahem. Moving on though, it was BRIGHT in my room. Like, blindingly bright. Know what it was? Sunlight. Holy shit balls, Batman. THE SUN!

Here's hoping my lake backyard dries out soon. I've got a couple of toddlers whose stir craziness is making me crazy. Plus, I'd really like DH to be able to mow. Our lawn mower crapped out in the midst of his last mowing and thanks to all the rain, we have the tallest grass on the cul-de-sac. I'm surprised the senior citizens we call neighbors haven't come knocking with torches and pitch forks to banish us for tainting the street of otherwise perfect lawns. Not that ours is really all that bad. No woodland creatures are hiding out or anything. But compared to THEIR lawns, it looks like an effing prairie out there.

Our neighbors seem to have a few favorite hobbies: looking out the window, standing around in groups gossiping, and fucking their lawns. They are obsessed. We bought our house back in November when the grass was all but dead. The first time DH cut it this spring, the neighbor next door remarked, "oh, you're winning the competition now!" Uh, do what?? That's right. They compete with each other. The man across the street takes scissors to the grass along the sidewalk in front of his house. We have a cul-de-sac brush pile. Sprinkling systems. Lawn treatments. A lady was pulling weeds in the rain last weekend. One guy tools around on a riding mower while WEARING AN OXYGEN TANK AND MASK. Call me paranoid, but doesn't that make him some sort of geriatric explosive device? If a man showed me HALF the adoration, love, and attention these people shower their lawns with (no pun intended), I would be putty in their hands. And so would all of you.

ps: It's cloudy again. I give up.

1 comment:

  1. Geriatric explosive device? I love what's inside your head! Hilarious!