Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Eff you too, cervix

Things on my shit list today:

* My ob. Sure the rational part of me understands that he had to go perform emergency surgery this afternoon, but the less-rational pregnant crazy part of me is really irritated I had to see a different doctor. One who kept me waiting pantsless in a hot ass room for over 35 minutes. By the time he came in, my rear was stuck to the paper on the table. The only thing that made it better was that the guy sounded exactly like Borat.

* My cervix. Alllll those contractions and I'm only 40% effaced and according to the Borat, "maybe 1/2 cm" dilated. What. the. hell. I'm going to be pregnant forever. Like a damn elephant - 2 years gestational period. Grrrrr!!!

* Starbucks. The aforementioned #2 problem has completely done a 180 and now I'm back to needing coffee. After my appointment, I chucked out $4 for a decaf caramel mocha, only to come home and have the lid pop off, causing me to drop it and spill about $2.35 of it on my fricking carpet.

* The pressure of the baby being so low. This is major overshare, but the only way to fully get across the level of uncomfortableness (is that even a word...?) I'm experiencing: It's as if there is so much weight pushing "down there", I feel like my b'hole is a damn wind tunnel. Seriously. I told DH last night that if I farted, it'd probably whistle. You may be horrified I told my husband that, but he responded by asking if he could yell into it to see if it would echo. It's true what they say - there really is somebody out there for everyone. Perfect match. haha.

1 comment:

  1. Again, sorry you're not dilated disappointing. But maybe if the contractions continue it will progress things. :)
    Sucks about the mocha, I would have probably cried and then got down on my hands & knees and started licking the floor, ha. I love me some Starbucks.
    You & D sound as close as J & I, lol.