Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Pregnancy Books - The Lost Chapters

I swear I'm going to write a pregnancy book. What to REALLY Expect When You're Expecting. This post is going to be overshare/TMI overload so stop reading now if you don't want to hear about bodily fluids.

If you're still reading after that disclaimer, here we go....

Last night my back was killing me so I decided to take a warm bath - and okay, I also hadn't washed my hair in three days and didn't want to go out in public today looking like a scrub - to relax. Before I could though, my latest issue struck again. To put it somewhat nicely, let's just say baby #2 keeps making me go #2. Ever since this weekend, it's been numerous times per day. It's really starting to annoy me. I spent the first 8 months of pregnancy driving to Starbucks every 4 days for an iced mocha to keep things somewhat regular (sounds crazy, but if you're having issues, try coffee!) and now.... well, let's just say I've gone more in 3 days than I have in the last 3 months combined. And that's no shit. Pun intended.

After that excitement was over, I got in my bubble bath, leaned back, put my arms down, and then felt a trickle. I look down and my damn boob is leaking milk. WTF?? I'm not due for 32 more days, I hope to God I don't have a drippy faucet for a nipple the next 4 and a half weeks. It really grossed me out. I know it's nature and blah blah blah, insert breastfeeding propaganda here, but ew. I don't even know if I'm going to bf at all with this baby, solely because I'm still trying to figure out the logistics of caring for an 18 month old and the 2 year old I babysit whilst having a barracuda attached to my teat. Plus there's the pumping and the pain and my biggest pet peeve - the damn leaking boobs! I had to dress like a freaking onion - in layers - when R was a baby because any time we went out in public, it was inevitable that I was going to need a cardigan to cover up the milk rings that sprouted about 30 minutes into our journey. See why I don't want to have to deal with them leaking before I've even birthed my child??? I can't wear a cardigan in August!

As if all of that wasn't enough, I made tacos for dinner last night and as delicious as they were (and ohhh were they nummy), I wound up with some major heartburn. Just as I'm inspecting the milk running forth from my boobie, I burp, puke in my mouth, and then have it go up my nose and run out. Effing disgusting. The whole time all of this is occurring (which is within a 15 minute span thankyouverymuch), there is a Week by Week pregnancy book sitting on the side of the tub staring at me. I picked it up and flipped to 35 weeks. There is a small blurb about possible milk production and increased bowels, but they make it sound like it's nothing, and there's nothing in there about puking out your nose. Bastards. I need to check. I bet a man wrote that book....c


  1. Oh Nic, it would be a hiliarious book if you were to write it!!! Let's hope for good news today and he'll be here soon...

  2. Pregnancy honesty at it's finest! At least SOMEONE has the balls to tell like it is. ;) I thoroughly enjoyed reading this although the mental pictures were a little much, lol.