Thursday, September 22, 2011

Give me your finest box of condoms , sir.

So it's Thursday. On the one hand, only one more work day left in the week - on the other, still one more work day left. It's a glass half empty kinda day around here and I'm wishing it was half full of wine. I'm finally beginning to believe that fall is here to stay - yay! - and I think I made it through the allergy season relatively unscathed. This is AWESOME news if you remember my seven week long coughing fit from last year.

I've started working a new shift at work, 9 to 6, which I LOATHE. I have to rely on the ex to pick the kids up from daycare every night and then by the time we get home, it is almost 6:30 and I've still got a meal to fix. I swear by the time I get dinner on the table, Bug has all but started to gnaw his own arm off. Have I mentioned he has garnered the nickname Fat Baby in the last few months? Not because he is fat by any means, but just because the kid can EAT. Seriously. Do you know many kids who could wolf down three bowls of spaghetti on their 2nd birthday? Thank God he never sits still or he'd have to be moved out of the house with a fork lift by the time he was 5.

What I do like about the later shift is that I don't have to be at work until 9am, which means we don't have to leave the house until 8:30...which means I don't have to wake up two grumpy toddlers at 6:30...which means my morning runs much smoother. It also means that when I was driving to work yesterday morning, I got to hear the weekly segment on the local radio station where they have a psychic phone in. If you can get through, you give her your first name and age and voila! She gives you a reading. I should give a disclaimer here where I say that I take all the psychic stuff with a grain of salt, blah blah blah. Whatever. I like them. I think they're fun. Now hush. Anyways.... lo and behold, I pick up trusty Droid when they queued the Psychic Suzanna theme music yesterday and got through. Too bad they weren't giving away money or something. But I digress...

The first thing good ol' Psychic Suzanna asked me was, "Nicky, are you pregnant?"

Um... say what?! I about shat myself. I told her no (and by told I mean I pretty much shouted it into the phone), but she couldn't let it go. Oh no. She had to continue on, tell me I wasn't fixed and insist, "Well you don't have three kids yet, do you?!?"


She followed up that jaw dropper by telling me to expect some fun in a bowling alley. What? My mind is always in the gutter and after the pregnancy shocker, my first thought was that if I ever thought of having sex in a bowling alley, THAT idea is out....

Needless to say I don't remember much else of what she said because the threat of an impending pregnany was enough to make my ovaries swoop down and rip my lady bits off. I mean, sure I'd like another baby sometime down the road - like when I'm duped into marriage again... but not now. No way, no how. All that lady has managed to do is effectively ruin sex for me for a while. Which, hello! How rude.

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