Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween!!

Quick post, just wanted to get these up before the work week got in the way….






My little Woody and Jessie had a BLAST and Mama here is pretty fricking proud of her handiwork on their costumes. It’s amazing what some felt, two yards of fabric, an entire bottle of liquid stitch, and every curse word known to man can do. Eat your heart out, Martha Stewart. I think I’ll go reward myself by taste testing some of the kids’ candy…..



Sunday, October 24, 2010

Back by popular demand…

Okay. For those leaving comments (i.e. demands) on my Facebook, here I am. Blogging. Happy now?? My bathroom needs scrubbed, my kitchen floors need mopped, my 14 month old is currently running around naked from the waist down, but here I am.

I’m not even sure if an excuse would help but the only reason for my blogcation is this: I.don’t.have.time. Seriously. Most of the time I feel like my mind is one big cluster fuck. My house looks like Toys R’ Us threw up in it, the kids have been sick and demanding, work wears me out… I go from 6am to 10pm. And I’m tired. Thanks to a clogged drain, my washer is currently out of commission and until I can remember to call Dick Van Dyke Appliance World during normal business hours, I’ve been loading up clothes and taking them either to the ex’s or my mom’s to wash. Neither is too pumped about it and I can say I’m not either. As we speak, I have a whole basket full of wet clothing sitting in my mother’s laundry room that I need to go get and bring home to dry. Apparently she was none too pleased to return from their Nashville trip and find my clothes in her machine. Rather than offer to dry them though, I was rudely informed she throwing them “all in a God damned pile!”. Gee, thanks. Note to self: Call the repairman tomorrow.

The past week my best friend and her kids have been here staying with me. She’s leaving tomorrow and I have to say I’m pretty bummed out to be losing my temporary roommate. Seeing her youngest son – who was born 2.5 weeks after Bug – really reaffirms my belief that my child is N-U-T-S. The boy has no fear. Currently he’s sporting the remnants of a fat lip, as well as four bruises on his forehead. A stairwell? Ah hell, I’ll run down them! An opening in the playground equipment? I’ll fling myself off it! Front door that won’t open? Maybe banging my head against it will do something! Running down the hill in the front yard, tripping, and biffing the concrete?? Oh well! I swear I’m going to get the kid a helmet before he winds up retarded by his 2nd birthday.

Don’t believe that all hell is breaking loose in my house? Look at this picture:


This is what happens when you  leave cupcakes cooling on your oven and then leave the room to go change a diaper.

I can’t win. I try to clean one thing and some tiny terror of a tot is right behind me messing up something else.

And as if to illustrate my point even further, please took at what my precious, precious offspring snuck off behind the couch to do while I wrote this post….


That’s Desitin. When I asked her what the  hell she was doing (and yeah, I used that exact phrase, the situation definitely warranted it), she replied, “I got a boo boo on my hoo hoo!” Apparently her make believe diaper rash required a full body application.

And as for her brother, he wasn’t up to anything much better:


Drug out shoes from the shoebox, a box that needs to be shipped, and my personal favorite, rifled through the disaster that has become my purse. All while pantsless. Did you think I was lying about that earlier???

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Saturday Confession

I was going to join In fact, I did. I painstakingly filled out my profile. I poured over pages and pages of members last night. I even emailed somebody I thought was cute. And then today I went to Target. And I found these:



They were $24.99, coincidentally just about what I paid for one month on Match.  Being a single mom now, I rarely (and by that I mean never) buy myself anything so I couldn’t justify spending over $50 for frivilous stuff within a matter of days.

So what did I do? I bought the shoes, came home, hopped online and cancelled my account. Since it I was within three days, I got my money back. 

That’s right. I chose a pair of heels over potential dates. And I’m okay with this. Because those shoes are cute. And comfortable. And they make me feel sexy. The end result of what I was hoping to find on that stupid site anyways, only I’m sure my relationship with my crocodile pumps will last a lot longer.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

I’m a lazy shit.

Get your whining boots on people, because it’s on like Donkey Kong.

I can’t believe I haven’t updated this thing in like…what…. two weeks? Epic failure on my part. Do you want to know what happened in those two weeks? I lost two followers. So guess how super awesome THAT makes me feel? Sure it could have been the over share about pissing my pants that did it, but I tend to go the more negative route and blame my absence. That way it’ll eat at me every day. Now every time I play the God, I need to post about (fill in the blank with random shit) but Gaaawwwd, I’m so tired game, I’ll worry that if I don’t just suck it up and do it, my readers will start dropping like flies. If there’s any of you left.

And yes, I am superficial and worry about the number of followers I have.

Sue me.

Work has been draining me. Not the actual work portion of it, mind you, but the effort I have to put forth every morning to get everybody up and dressed and moving and out the door in a timely fashion. Then I have to go to work and do the job. And when I come home and the kids cry and hang on my leg, effectively giving me their very own unspoken toddler Fuck You, guess what? That makes me even more tired. So when they go to bed, want to know what I do? I sit my ass on the couch.

And I enjoy it.

Sometimes I watch hours of TV. Sometimes I fall asleep at 9:00. Sometimes I take an hour long bath. But most nights, I don’t even think to open my computer.

Sure there are numerous times throughout the day where I think Man, I wish I could update the ol’ blog, where I have dozens of thoughts swirling around in my head. But then…

Then I come home.

And Jesus, I’m tired.

So for those of you that have stuck around? Please continue to do so. I PROMISE I’ll be back soon.

I even have something to post!

But I’ll get to that tomorrow.

After I sleep.

Because Jesus, I’m tired.