Shit-My-Kids-Said-This-Week Friday!

I don't ever do regular features -hell, I don't even update regularly anymore if I'm being honest. But like I said earlier this week, I am turning over a new (or maybe it is old..?) leaf and getting back to my bloggy roots.

(pause for applause)

That being said, I'm introducing the one, the only (I hope, I didn't Google it before making that proclmation) SHIT-MY-KIDS-SAID-THIS-WEEK FRIDAY (SMKSTW)!!!! This is said dripping with sarcasm, so for those of you that are thinking I've turned into a complete douchebag during my blogging absence, fear not. I do think I will make it an every Friday thing though, because I have to say, my kids (well, okay mostly Nut since Bug doesn't say much that I can understand) say some huh-larious stuff.

Case in point -

Reagan on:

Her runny nose My nose is getting ridiculous.

Her new outfit This is the cutedest outfit EVER. I look FaaAAAAAaaabulous!

After passing gas (which is a really NICE term for what came from her tiny tush) Hear that? It was a bullfrog!

On hearing they were serving coffee cake for breakfast at daycare Coffee?!? I want a peppermint mocha!

While playing with her talking Jessie doll Stop talking, Jessie! You're driving me insane. I can't think straight!



So there you have it. The first annual SMKSTW Friday. Boom.

Lions and tigers and... tap dancing? Oh my.

Nut started dance class last night. It has been all she has talked about since I signed her up last month; all she tells anybody she meets about: "I'm going to be a ballerina. I will look faaAAAaaabulous and people will watch me dance on the stage!" (Have I mentioned her modesty?)I knew I wasn't going to have to worry about her playing shy or not wanting to participate. She was impatient waiting for them to open the doors "This is ridiculous. Are they gonna let us in or what?!?" and when they finally did, she about took out three classmates shoving her way to get in. She barely glanced back at me after securing a spot in the circle and wouldn't even come give me a kiss.

After I picked her up, I asked her what she learned - wanting to make sure I am getting my money's worth and all - and she very seriously responded, "how to tap tap tap my toes and roar like a lion."

*blink*

Um, okay.

Is anybody still out there?

I think I'm ready to blow the dust off my keyboard. I MISS writing. I miss reading. I miss my bloggy buddies.

It has now been one year since I began my single mom endeavor. I feel like I've finally settled into a routine and I'm ready to start spewing my randomness again. I can only hope that you all haven't given me up for dead.

I know you'd probably like an insight into what I've been doing the last twelve months or so, and it exhausts me to think about telling it all, so I'll just give the synopsis:

I am still at my job, but I still miss being a SAHM at times. I'm lucky the kids are at a great daycare/preschool though and doing awesome there, I'm so proud of everything that they are learning. Bug just turned 2, still doesn't sleep and is still a fricking wildman - as Nut will say, "my brudder is a WUNATIC!" As for my red-headed ball of fire, she is now 3.5 and sassier than ever. I could probably write a book of the things she spouts off, she is definitely her mother's child. Center of attention, a smart ass already, and a complete drama queen at times. I will definitely add some pictures later, I love to show them off.

I gave the ol' online dating thing a try... Good Lord, do I have some tales to tell. Those will have to wait for another day though, but I promise you they are worth it. I got my heart broken for the first time in my life. I think it needed to happen, as much as it sucked at the time. I know it probably sounds silly considering my husband and I split up, but I grieved that relationship while I was still in it so when things officially "ended", I was over it. I have been dating a great guy for a few months now though and I'm lucky to have somebody who makes me smile on a daily basis. I'll admit I don't like to talk about that too much on here - don't want to jinx it - but I will say I am a happy girl lately. :)

So there you have it. The ins and outs of the last year in 30 seconds or less. Now I just need to get into my Google Reader and see what the rest of you have been up to - unless of course you want to leave me your 30 second synopsis in the comments.. *hint hint*

M.I.A.

Holy hell. Has it really been four MONTHS since I’ve updated?? Did you all think I was dead?!? I feel horribly guilty for neglecting what I worked so hard on, but I had the worst case of writer’s block ever. It wasn’t that I didn’t have anything to talk about, it was just that I didn’t have anything I wanted to talk about on here.

Around Christmastime, ex-DH (I really need to think of a new name for him now) mentioned some things I’d written about. He said he hadn’t read it himself – which I believe, he always thought I talked too much so why would he want to read my babble?? – but that somebody he knew had told him I was embarrassing the kids and talking shit about him. It was enough to make me want to give up the blog. I felt violated, not by him, but by whoever read this and decided to use it against me. I wanted to write but I felt censored. I write because I love it and I want you all to read because it entertains you, not because you want to use it as ammunition to stir up trouble between me and my ex. I thought about starting a new blog. Shutting this one down, deleting everything, moving on and being completely anonymous. I thought about it a lot actually. What I would call it, how I would have the time to put the work into getting followers like I did last year. It exhausted me to think about it. So instead I just let my blog I worked so hard on sit here for four months. I know it isn’t the best reasoning but I needed the time. A lot has happened in the months that I’ve been gone and I really truly honest-to-God promise I will write about it all very very soon. For right now, I just wanted to say hi, for those that haven’t given up on me and mourned my bloggy death of course…..

Wordless.

That’s how I’ve felt lately. Wordless. I feel like I hardly get to see my kids anymore, I feel like I’m constantly on the go, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going, or going or coming, and I have a million different things going through my head. Thanks to the retail gig, I’m pulling 50-60 hour work weeks and I am TIRED.

I haven’t finished my Christmas shopping. I didn’t put up half the decorations I normally do. I haven’t done my baking. Nothing is wrapped.

I’m just… here.

Christmas is normally my favorite holiday. I joke that I shit holiday spirit because I seriously adore it. Normally. Usually.

But not this year. I’m not able to spend the money I want to, I’m budgeting myself paycheck by paycheck and now the things I was holding off on for last minute are no longer in stock.

My kids will be with their dad for the majority of Christmas weekend. We swapped Fridays so they are spending the night with me on Christmas Eve, which I am so very thankful for; at least they will wake up at home on Christmas morning.  But the thought of coming home to an empty, quiet house on Christmas night depresses me.

Things have been weird. My mom and I constantly bicker, she told me a month ago we no longer had a relationship and she is definitely sticking by it.  On Black Friday we got into a huge argument because she criticized me for working two jobs. Said I didn’t have my kids as my number one priority and that they spent too much time away from me. I find this laughable since I’m working two jobs to put food on the table and diapers on their butts and the time she refers to when they’re away is their scheduled time with the ex. Is that rational to you? I’m being given shit because I am doing the responsible thing and working my ass to provide for my kids and because their dad wants to spend time with them. I just don’t get it. But I can tell you it’s the last thing I need right now.

Le sighe. I am PMS’ing like a crazy lady right now in case you couldn’t tell by this whole woe-is-me post. I miss blogging. I miss reading blogs. I catch up on breaks at work but don’t have enough time to comment. I feel like I worked really hard on building bloggy buddies over the last year and I’ve just let it go to shit the last few months. All I want for Christmas is a vacation from everything for a while, I swear.

Happy Halloween!!

Quick post, just wanted to get these up before the work week got in the way….

 

 

 

 

My little Woody and Jessie had a BLAST and Mama here is pretty fricking proud of her handiwork on their costumes. It’s amazing what some felt, two yards of fabric, an entire bottle of liquid stitch, and every curse word known to man can do. Eat your heart out, Martha Stewart. I think I’ll go reward myself by taste testing some of the kids’ candy…..

 

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!

Back by popular demand…

Okay. For those leaving comments (i.e. demands) on my Facebook, here I am. Blogging. Happy now?? My bathroom needs scrubbed, my kitchen floors need mopped, my 14 month old is currently running around naked from the waist down, but here I am.

I’m not even sure if an excuse would help but the only reason for my blogcation is this: I.don’t.have.time. Seriously. Most of the time I feel like my mind is one big cluster fuck. My house looks like Toys R’ Us threw up in it, the kids have been sick and demanding, work wears me out… I go from 6am to 10pm. And I’m tired. Thanks to a clogged drain, my washer is currently out of commission and until I can remember to call Dick Van Dyke Appliance World during normal business hours, I’ve been loading up clothes and taking them either to the ex’s or my mom’s to wash. Neither is too pumped about it and I can say I’m not either. As we speak, I have a whole basket full of wet clothing sitting in my mother’s laundry room that I need to go get and bring home to dry. Apparently she was none too pleased to return from their Nashville trip and find my clothes in her machine. Rather than offer to dry them though, I was rudely informed she throwing them “all in a God damned pile!”. Gee, thanks. Note to self: Call the repairman tomorrow.

The past week my best friend and her kids have been here staying with me. She’s leaving tomorrow and I have to say I’m pretty bummed out to be losing my temporary roommate. Seeing her youngest son – who was born 2.5 weeks after Bug – really reaffirms my belief that my child is N-U-T-S. The boy has no fear. Currently he’s sporting the remnants of a fat lip, as well as four bruises on his forehead. A stairwell? Ah hell, I’ll run down them! An opening in the playground equipment? I’ll fling myself off it! Front door that won’t open? Maybe banging my head against it will do something! Running down the hill in the front yard, tripping, and biffing the concrete?? Oh well! I swear I’m going to get the kid a helmet before he winds up retarded by his 2nd birthday.

Don’t believe that all hell is breaking loose in my house? Look at this picture:

This is what happens when you  leave cupcakes cooling on your oven and then leave the room to go change a diaper.

I can’t win. I try to clean one thing and some tiny terror of a tot is right behind me messing up something else.

And as if to illustrate my point even further, please took at what my precious, precious offspring snuck off behind the couch to do while I wrote this post….

That’s Desitin. When I asked her what the  hell she was doing (and yeah, I used that exact phrase, the situation definitely warranted it), she replied, “I got a boo boo on my hoo hoo!” Apparently her make believe diaper rash required a full body application.

And as for her brother, he wasn’t up to anything much better:

Drug out shoes from the shoebox, a box that needs to be shipped, and my personal favorite, rifled through the disaster that has become my purse. All while pantsless. Did you think I was lying about that earlier???