That’s how I’ve felt lately. Wordless. I feel like I hardly get to see my kids anymore, I feel like I’m constantly on the go, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going, or going or coming, and I have a million different things going through my head. Thanks to the retail gig, I’m pulling 50-60 hour work weeks and I am TIRED.
I haven’t finished my Christmas shopping. I didn’t put up half the decorations I normally do. I haven’t done my baking. Nothing is wrapped.
I’m just… here.
Christmas is normally my favorite holiday. I joke that I shit holiday spirit because I seriously adore it. Normally. Usually.
But not this year. I’m not able to spend the money I want to, I’m budgeting myself paycheck by paycheck and now the things I was holding off on for last minute are no longer in stock.
My kids will be with their dad for the majority of Christmas weekend. We swapped Fridays so they are spending the night with me on Christmas Eve, which I am so very thankful for; at least they will wake up at home on Christmas morning. But the thought of coming home to an empty, quiet house on Christmas night depresses me.
Things have been weird. My mom and I constantly bicker, she told me a month ago we no longer had a relationship and she is definitely sticking by it. On Black Friday we got into a huge argument because she criticized me for working two jobs. Said I didn’t have my kids as my number one priority and that they spent too much time away from me. I find this laughable since I’m working two jobs to put food on the table and diapers on their butts and the time she refers to when they’re away is their scheduled time with the ex. Is that rational to you? I’m being given shit because I am doing the responsible thing and working my ass to provide for my kids and because their dad wants to spend time with them. I just don’t get it. But I can tell you it’s the last thing I need right now.
Le sighe. I am PMS’ing like a crazy lady right now in case you couldn’t tell by this whole woe-is-me post. I miss blogging. I miss reading blogs. I catch up on breaks at work but don’t have enough time to comment. I feel like I worked really hard on building bloggy buddies over the last year and I’ve just let it go to shit the last few months. All I want for Christmas is a vacation from everything for a while, I swear.
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Girl, I hear ya. Even without the working 60 hrs a week it is easy to get overwhelmed this time of year. I hope your mom cuts you some slack and realizes that everything you do in life you have your kids' best interests at heart. You do everything for THEM, to provide for them, and at a huge sacrifice to your mental and physical well being. You should be applauded for that, not criticized.
ReplyDeleteI hope after the rush of the holidays life will slow down a bit and you'll have time to breathe deep and drown in a bubble bath or two. Oh, and go out and find yourself a sugar daddy...that would help too! Smoochies - Merry Xmas, my friend!
Although you feel so exhausted and stressed out, you should be so proud of yourself. Many moms out there rely completely on their husbands or ex's for that matter or they resort to government help..with the holidays fast approaching I am sure you will at least be able to give your kiddos presents and provide them with a wonderful Christmas..keep your head up and be proud of yourself and think positive & keep hope!
ReplyDeleteI am right there with you...as evidenced by the fact that I'm commenting on this 6 days after you posted it. I only have one "real" job, but I swear my blog has become my second job. I don't sleep much, my house is a wreck and I don't know if I'm coming or going these days.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that your mom is stressing you out. It sounds to me like you're doing everything you can for your kids, so just ignore her if you can. (I know, easier said than done, I'm sure.)
We'll catch up one of these days, right? ;-) Have a great week!
I feel bad that your mom is giving you crap about spending time with your kids. Providing for your children is doing the best you can be even if it requires doing 60 hour work weeks. Don't beat yourself up for doing the best you can do.
ReplyDeleteWith the holidays behind us, how are things with you? It's been awhile since I've stopped by. Things have been crazy in my life too in a totally different way. I too miss blogging and reading other's blogs. I am able to do that now, but school is about to start up again... so I might as well kiss my life goodbye soon. sigh. Hang in there sweetie and I hope things get better for you!
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