Things that make ya go poo

I’m not sure what is causing my stomach to feel like it’s rotting from the inside out, but I’ve narrowed it down to three possible suspects: All the Sudafed, all the Pumpkin Spice lattes, or all the Prednisone.

I have been poppin’ the Sudafed like they were Pez for the last week; no problems. I mixed in the Prednisone Wednesday night; no problems (aside from acting like a fricking psycho). I mix both with a grande PSL yesterday; whooooaaaa buddy. I swear my intestines were attempting to break out of my body in an effort to wrap themselves around my neck and strangle me. 

I have a sneaking suspicion the culprit in the trifecta may be the lattes, but I’m living in denial. And by sneaking suspicion, I mean I’m pretty durn convinced. And by living in denial, I mean I’m still going to go run by Starbucks tomorrow morning. And by run, of course, I mean drive. Because I’m lazy. And my stomach hurts too bad to actually do any physical activity.

See, here’s the thing about Starbucks coffee: It makes me poop. It don’t know what it is. I’ve Googled it (seriously. I Google everything.), but every  thing I read points to the caffeine in it being a stimulant. I don’t drink caffeine. My lattes are decaf. What mystery ingredient makes me have to go??

After careful research (i.e. another trip through the drive-thru this evening) and successful, albeit unpleasant  results, I think I finally figured out the reason why:

My mind starts analyzing the fact that I spent $4.71 on flavored milk with a shot of coffee in it and flips out.

$5.00 on coffee? AGAIN?!? Are you SHITTING me, Nic?!?

Why now that you mention it, yes, yes I am.

Literally.